No, Sweetie Darling, NO!!!

You can't see me right now, but I am swearing like a sailor on the high seas. We all already know that Fox is going to Hell in a handbasket for obvious reasons, but all the veins Bill O'Reilly has popped in the past, present, and future PALES in comparison to what I'm about to tell you.

Variety says Kristen Johnston is in talks to play Edina Monsoon in the pilot episode of the "American remake" of Absolutely Fabulous. Kristen was at a table read with Fox execs last Friday. Kathryn Hahn was also in the table read, but it's not known what role she helped butcher. I'm guessing Patsy?

You know who should play Edina and Patsy? Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley! And only them! Kristen Johnston is fine, but she's looking a little like a Manhattan tortured wife who eats pills instead of food.

"Well, maybe she will work then?," you naively say?
NO! She won't. Nobody will.

This is going to be the worst show in the history of television. This is what we do in America: we take amazing TV shows from other countries, ruin them, and try to find ways to get them canceled in record time.

(Although Kath & Kim is still breathing and I'm not sure why. I'll have to ask Satan that during our weekly conference call with Ronald Reagan...)

Instead of doing mounds of coke, they are going to get really "zany" on too much Red Bull. Instead of trying to have an orgy and failing, they are going to be humiliated during a speed dating session. It's going to be absolutely rated G...for GARBAGE!

I just want to tell the American version of AbFab to "take a holiday, darling. South of France."

*growls, stomps off*