Wednesday, April 1, 2009

April Fool's Day: A Tribute to the Best (and Cruelest) Prank Ever

If you, like me, grew up in the 1980's, chances are you had a Nintendo Entertainment System. This 8-bit jalopy was the key to the universe, with its pixellated characters who had bodies that looked like Lego building blocks. Super Mario Brothers, Duck Hunt, and Bubble Bobble were just a few of the titles that helped a nerd like me find a place in this world. (I said back then that this would be the wave of the future. Everyone thought I was crazy. All these years later, I can honestly say, I was RIGHT AGAIN, AS USUAL.)

But of all the titles in the entire Nintendo pantheon, none stood out quite like The Legend of Zelda. And time and history has proven my initial hunch correct: The Legend of Zelda is considered a spiritual forerunner of the console role-playing game (RPG) genre. Though its gameplay elements are different from those of typical computer or console RPGs, its bright, cartoonish graphics, fantasy setting, and musical style were adopted by many RPGs. Its commercial success helped lay the groundwork for involved, nonlinear games in fantasy settings, such as those found in successful RPGs, including Crystalis, Soul Blazer, Square's Seiken Densetsu series, and, more recently, Alundra and Brave Fencer Musashi.

The Legend of Zelda spawned numerous sequels and spin-offs and is one of Nintendo's most popular series. It established important characters and environments of the Zelda universe, including Link, Princess Zelda, Ganon, Impa, and the Triforce as the power that binds Hyrule together. The overworld theme and distinctive "secret found" jingle have appeared in nearly every subsequent Zelda game. The theme has also appeared in various other games featuring references to the Zelda series.

So I invite you to imagine my happiness, this time last year, when I, like millions of others, came across this:


Now, this is not to say that my happiness wasn't tempered with criticism. First of all, Link and Zelda look like brother and sister. Does this take place in Hyrule or Alabama? Second, while it's OK to have nonlinear sequences in role-playing games, movies -- especially of this type -- are linear, and this presents necessary challenges in plot and character development. We'll notice from this trailer that this movie seems to incorporate EVERY element of EVERY title in the Zelda series...making this more worthy of a mini-series than a two-and-a-half hour movie. Is this Zelda or Roots? Finally, that Ganon, with the Manic Panic Pink hair and Lou Ferrigno-as-The Incredible Hulk skin? NO. Gotta go. Sorry. He's about as intimidating as a suckling kitten.

And, I'm gonna totally go nerd on everyone and say that Link's Triforce symbol is supposed to glow on his left hand, not his right. I know, a minor detail, but an important one nonetheless.

Still, despite my criticisms, I was immediately tickled pink at the thought of being a kid again, watching this in the theatres...well, today actually...with a big Diet Pepsi and a bag of Tostitos and salsa to accompany my expedition.

Until I, like everyone else, found out it was a hoax.
An expensive, brilliant hoax, but a hoax nonetheless.
Sure beats the heck out of Heidi Montag's "I'm Pregnant" hoax (sweetie, don't you know you have to HAVE SEX to get pregnant? Don't you know you have to HAVE SEX WITH A MAN, and CLEARLY, Spencer Pratt is the FURTHEST thing from a MAN?).

Still, this trailer generated such an amazing response from the online gaming community, it actually caused folk in Hollywood to give pause. What if The Legend of Zelda really WAS made into a movie?! Think of the possibilities!

Who knows -- maybe this time next year, I'll be reviewing the real Legend of Zelda film from a theater in San Francisco. :-) (hint, hint, Hollywood!)

But that Ganon still has GOT to go.

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