Why So Classy?: For The Love of Ray J

And with this announcement, For the Love of Ray J has displaced Rock of Love Tour Bus as my guilty trash extravaganza! (God help the poor soul that had to clean out that tour bus...it must've smelled like Pike Street in there...)

SO ANYWAY, 22-year-old Monica Leon, who goes by the name Danger (that's the classy one with the tattoo on her face) on For the Love of Ray-j, has run off and told the National Enquirer that she's 3 months pregnant with Ray-J's baby. What's even more special is that Monica claims they made a baby on the set of that elegant show.

What a beautiful thing. The baby is going to grow up to find out it was conceived on rented sheets on a rented bed in a rented house...in front of the whole VH1 viewing audience. For the Love of Ray-J is the trashiest home movie ever.

Monica told the Enquirer, "There is no way the baby can be anyone's but Ray J's. I was locked in a mansion with him and 13 girls from October until the end of December. Toward the end of the first week of filming, we made love for the first time - and we slept together every night after that! I didn't want to fall for Ray J, but he was so charming it became impossible not to. I was in love with him, and as strange as it might sound, I think he loved me."

Made love?! MADE LOVE?! Honey, I hate to be the bearer of bad news (and not to sound like a Catholic school nun), but when a dude you've known for a week has unprotected sex with you (and 13 other women!), that's NOT love...that's GRADE A, UNABASHED STUPIDITY! If you didn't catch a baby, you would've caught a, *ahem* (in a Victorian voice) "social disease"!

But seriously, VH1 could find a way to turn this into a show. For the Love of a Child Support Check! Maury Povich would host, obviously. (Oh no...I just gave them an idea...)

Miss Why So Classy? February 2009

Now, why is Tamara from I Love Money 2 deserve this month's Miss Why So Classy? Award?

Let's start with a quote: "I'm afraid of water. Um. Maybe I shouldn't get a houseboat then."

That was just one of the many beautiful gems that came out of Tamara's echo chamber head during last night's I Love Money 2. This is the kind of moron we could all use as a friend. She will make anyone feel like the president of Mensa! And she would be so much fun at parties! I bet if you tied a sock around her waist, she'd fall over! If you put a piece of scotch tape on her nose, she'd spend hours trying to get it off. If you asked her what the capital of Los Angeles was, smoke would start to float out of her ears. I love her!

Tamara's genius started when she said that if she won the money, she'd buy a houseboat and park it in the ocean. But then she suddenly realized that she was afraid of water, so maybe living on a houseboat wasn't such a good thing. Stupidity like this is a God-given gift!

Tamara's greatest moment came when she (SPOILER ALERT) lost an arm-wrestling match and had to leave the show. In Tamara's defense, there was no way she going to win that match when she's on a permanent 15-second delay. After she lost, Tamara's balloon head almost popped. She flipped out and yelled at the crew, "You have no hearts and no souls! You should be ashamed of yourselves for exploiting these stupid idiots!" The crew totally shrugged and mumbled, "Yeah, so? When do we eat?!"

And she also screamed that she's a winner who has been on 50 magazine covers! Um. Tamara. You know that those "magazine covers" you shot at a Six Flags photo booth aren't real?! Yeah, we shouldn't burst her bubble head.

Tamara's meltdown actually surprised me. I'm impressed that she knows that many words. I figured she was operating on a 12-word vocabulary.

After she got tired from overusing her one brain cell, Tamara stormed out...the wrong door. HA! If Chrissy Snow was a Midwestern lot lizard who was addicted to Purple Drank, her name would be Tamara. Seriously, get Miss Why So Classy? February 2009 her own show called Are You Smarter Than Tamara?! Everyone is a winner! Even inanimate objects!